Okay. So. Sometimes I get to a really mature, intellectual place about Spike & Buffy--and even when I'm in that place, I'm full of flailing and squishy feelings. But I get all excited over the ~literary-ness of it all. The symbolism, the motifs, the mirrors, the coherence of the characterization.
Right now, I'm not in that place. I'm in a place where all my feelings are gone and they have been replaced with SPUFFY. And not in a good way. Like in a painful, terrified way. I was just watching some vids. And all I can say is that I know now why I didn't read the comics for so long--why I kept thinking about reading them and then putting it off: Because I think I will literally die if something really bad happens to this ship. I just watched Winter Song by darlapr0duction , which I had downloaded! and feel really lucky, since it's now been removed from public space. And then I watched my new favorite (the vid isn't new, it's just new to being my favorite) by nvrbnkisst , Diappearing World.
My gosh. I just love the sense of partnership and equality in that vid.
And then there's Halo by Darla Productions:
(This is really 3 vids all squished together. The first one is Halo.)
But. I think I'm going to shatter, you guys. I've also been watching other "Spuffy" vids--but they're a little more grim than these. They obviously think the relationship wasn't going to work. And I think they blame Buffy. They don't think she loved him. And for some reason, it's killing me.
Normally, I think I can be a mature consumer of media and accept what's given to me. Normally, I really like Chosen. But right now I want to break a lamp. Because I just want a fucking happy ending. I NEED a happy ending. I feel like something inside of me is going to split open if they don't get a happy ending. And--yes--I know. I know. Chosen IS a happy ending. Like I said, I normally feel that way. But right now, I just need Chosen without the death and with an exuberant makeout session.
I have no idea what my deal is tonight.