Okay, about 3 minutes ago I was driving home from work, and I was struck out of nowhere with the thought that Buffy and Spike were seeking to destroy themselves with their love/attraction to each other.
This is touched on in FFL--"You're a little bit in love with Death... and one of these days, I'm gonna slip in there." And then, of course, he does. He represents peace and death and completion for Buffy, and on a really bad day for her ("You came back wrong")--he slips in there, and gets her to admit that she does desire death.
But that's all about Buffy's death wish. WHAT OF SPIKE'S DEATH WISH, HUH? It's dismissed in Smashed that he, Slayer of Slayers, is in love with the girl who represents death for him--"Vampire, remember? I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?" --and sort of played off as incompetence or softness on his part--"All you can do is follow me around making moon eyes." But it's so much more than that. He's in love with his own destruction AT LEAST as much as Buffy is with hers. As William, he willingly walked right into his death, then as William the Bloody, he asked Angelus if he didn't ever want to fight a fight he didn't know he could win. He WANTED the uncertainty--he wanted the chance--just the chance--to die. And as Spike, of course--of course--he loves the one girl in all the world who can destroy him. And he feeds off it. He knows he's crawling after her, seeking his own bit of oblivion, his own demolition. She's the sun and he just wants to bask in her--flames and vampire dust be damned. The danger, the certainty that she'll destroy him (either that or he'll destroy her) is always there--and it only eggs him on. He wants his death so bad that he can taste it. And, the poet in him wants his death to come from love. From loving.
Funny that, in SR, when he realizes that he did in fact hurt Buffy, as he was sure he'd never really do--funny that he goes and seeks his soul. He finds a way to not hurt her. He finds a way to make sure that it's his death, his destruction--not hers--that will come from it all. He destroys himself because he wants to, and also because he doesn't want to destroy her. <3
Anyway. Beautiful symmetry those two have.
Second thing. I got Final Cut Express today! I'm so excited and terrified. And I'm having a bizarre flood of vid-inspiration (vidspiration?) all circling around They Might Be Giants songs. Weird, huh? Anyway. If anyone knows of some good tutorial sites especially for Final Cut, I would be eternally grateful.
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penny_lane_42 made a list of her fiction kinks and squicks. I believe she had gotten the idea from 
